It’s not easy when your partner is a clutter-bug and you are really neat. This is often one of my clients’ top complaints. I will walk around a home or receive pictures of their partner’s clutter. “You see…what am I suppose to do!” I definitely feel my client’s pain and frustration. They want a beautiful home and a place to relax and enjoy their family but it can feel overwhelming with all that clutter! Often I hear, “it’s not mine but I’m the one taking care it if I don’t do it no one will.” The energy around those statements is heavy and negative. The more they talk about it the more I see and feel it draining their energy. As I ask more questions I begin to learn that this negative energy is actually impacting my client’s relationship not just their space.
Every time we think about the clutter we create more resistance, the more we talk about it with others we create more resistance. You see when we focus on the things we don’t want we actually create more of it. Once I explain this to my clients they begin to see how this focus negatively impacts their relationships. However, the response I get is “I just can’t ignore it!” And I respond with, “Well it’s not working for you to focus on it, right?”
After a thoughtful pause, my clients usually think about it and by the end of the session try a new way of thinking about their situation. It’s not really a new way of thinking, rather learning to understand the Law of Attraction. I was recently reading the book The Vortex by Esther and Jerry Hicks. On page 36 they give a great explanation on how when we focus on our partner’s clutter and junk we are operating from a personal place of imbalance, a place of frustration and anger, a feeling this will never get cleared and I am the only one to do something about it. These thoughts take us out of alignment, creating stress and negativity in our bodies and our home. When we operate in this negative mindset no matter how much action we take it will not resolve the issues.
In fact, the worst thing you could do is get fed up and dump all your partner’s stuff! You see, they have some emotional attachment to it, from fear or resistance there is some attachment to their clutter. Here’s where Feng Shui can help you get clear on the cause of the problem. If you haven’t read my previous blog “9 Reasons to Feng Shui Your Clutter” click here. I go into depth about how clutter in certain areas of your home relates to different areas of your life.
I had a client who was trying to get pregnant, she had a beautiful home but still struggled with clutter in her basement and attic. It was a combination of both their stuff, but it was mostly his and it was overwhelming to her. They had a lot of good quality stuff from their past and they didn’t know what to do with it. When I brought to her attention that the basement represents the past and the attic represents the future… The “aha” moment was made and the excitement started. We discussed how to release the guilt of letting go of items that had positive meaning in their life, but just no place in their home. Once she saw this, she realized how it was impacting their ability to start a family and her husband finally agreed it was time to let go of the stuff. I helped ease the process with an energetic space clearing that shifted the attachment to their stuff. Within weeks they were motivated to sell items online and the clutter was gone. Their basement became a playroom and new office for her to start working from home, the attic was turned into a nanny’s room. With all this letting go, she finally became pregnant!
“If you are focused upon problems – the Law of Attraction will bring problems to you faster than you can fix them. If you are focused upon a disorganized home – the Law of Attraction will bring more experiences of disorder, disruption, and problems you can keep up with.”
– From the book, The Vortex by Esther and Jerry Hicks
So here’s what you need to do:
1) Stop focusing on the clutter. Stop thinking about it and talking about it with all your friends.
2) Find things in your space that you love – particular rooms, decor, accessories, etc. Focus your attention on these things. And yes, close the doors to the rooms with clutter.
3) Focus on what’s working and how to make things better.
Do you have a space that’s organized and beautiful? What worked to get that space organized. Did you have fun creating? Think about what worked and find that energy to do it again.
Once your energy is off the clutter and your partner’s mistakes you may be surprised that he starts to clean up his stuff or admits to you why he is stuck on his stuff. It will shift the energy of your relationship and maybe make things better or help you finally make the decision to move on. Sometimes people just have to come to that place on their own. Plus, when the energy shifts to a more positive place in the home, they may become more energized to make a change with their stuff.
So, if you raise your energy they may just follow and soon the clutter will leave on its own.
Still not convinced…. just give it a try for the next 21 days and leave a comment below. I know you will see a difference.
If you feel overwhelmed, book a Feng Shui consultation and let me help you clear the clutter and get organized. Click here to set up a complimentary 15-minute consultation to chat with me about your home. Once you fill out the application you will receive an email to schedule your complimentary session.
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE ON YOUR WEBSITE OR FOR A GUEST BLOG POST?
You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: “Feng Shui expert, Christine Bove, inspires successful women to allow their creative energies to flow into their environments, images and mindsets to improve their confidence, bring clarity to their future and set them up for success. Sign up to receive her 5 Feng Shui video tips at www.christinebove.com.”
Terry
and if both of us clutter.. well I guess i know what to do now.
I wonder why I am frustrated with his desk when my world looks the same.
HA !
Christine
Terry, if you both have clutter it’s a great motivator to work as a team. Setup a weekly action plan and maybe a contest. Who doesn’t clean up their desk has to cook for the week or clean for a week! Sometimes it’s more fun when it’s a game! Thanks for leaving a comment.
Julie Gorges
Your blog caught my eye, because this is the case with my husband and I . I love the freedom of getting rid of stuff and he sentimentally wants to hang on to everything. We just sold our house so he will be forced to get rid of some stuff, I’m afraid, but your article had some great advice for keeping the peace.
Christine
Thank You Julie. Moving is always a great motivator to de-clutter as you don’t want to waste money or time taking things you don’t need.
Wishing you great success in your new home.
Shirley Scarlato
I just spoke to my husband about his wanting to keep everything and how cluttering up his life is blocking his energy,but he says he doesn’t believe any of that ____! I on the other hand am an organized neat freak. We’ve been married for 50 years and I don’t let his stuff bother me except recently he has said that” I’m ready to die because I’m bored with life!” I told him that was a very ungrateful thing to say to the universe, since we have more than enough money, 2 healthy, loving sons,5 healthy,loving, and smart grandchildren . What more can you ask for!! I have lots of hobbies, he has none! He has developed diabetes, won’t eat right, is close to 100 pound overweight and he has arthritis in every joint! I tried to tell him that his hoarding is what’s making his body sick but that goes in one ear and out the other. He’s a hot mess,but there’s nothing he’ll let me say or do. Should I give up and wait for death to over take him? He’s only 70 years old and I love him. I don’t even know why I’m writing to you, because until he’s ready to do something for himself, nobody can help him, right?
Lucy
Christine, It truly is providence that I found your post on this subject. I have experimented with shifting my focus away from my partner’s tendencies regarding this subject. There have been some good shifts and developments, and I am feeling very encouraged by this! I also read and follow Abraham-Hicks, but had no idea that this passage was in their book The Vortex. Thank you, the answers I have been looking for popped up in this entry <3 feeling even more excited about the future and the transformations that will take place. Thank you again.